I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
