No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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