I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's no shave November. This is our time.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
