His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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