Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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