I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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