He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
