i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
