we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
