I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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