Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
