just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
