Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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