Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
