Kareoke will never be a sober sport
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize