I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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