believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
