his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize