You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
