The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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