I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
