I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
birth control should be required to get into college
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
