hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
