he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
