im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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