Non-Jews are for practice
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
