on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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