The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
