i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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