I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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