halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
