I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
