How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
