what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize