Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
