i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
