I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
