Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize