make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
