Can Purell be used as lube?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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