I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
