I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
