Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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