SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
