New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
