I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
