I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
