I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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