he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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