This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize