Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
...so i touched it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
