we're chasing vodka with high fives
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
