textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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