South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
