just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize