the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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