oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
