i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
