Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
