Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
