I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
