my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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