I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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