my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
