i don't like sucking hair
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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