Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
