We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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