Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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