the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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