There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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