haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
