i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
