Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize