I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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