If i could tip my vagina, i would.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
