I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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