I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
