They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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