His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
