erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
