fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
