I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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