Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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