omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
