there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
