you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
