there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
