found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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