I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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