You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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