your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this just has baby written all over it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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