i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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