Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
