Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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