I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
