don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
