I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
