Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Actions speak louder than pants.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
