the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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