Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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