the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
