i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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