he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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