We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Floor bacon is actually really good
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
