"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Someone shit on the floor
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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